A Little Insecurity on My Part

I've never been huge on appearance.  Through middle school and high school I was strictly a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.  Hell, I didn't even start wearing make up until my senior year of high school and I only wore foundation because of how self conscious I was of my shiny, red, acne prone face.  I rarely had my hair out of a ponytail, and I didn't highlight my hair until right before senior prom.

I wear make up more now and all, but I feel like I got such a late start on things.  I'm not very good at applying it and I don't know.  I never feel, done.  Polished.  Put together.  I want to feel like that.  Pinterest is helping me with ideas on make up, clothes, and hair.  I love looking through things, but I have such a hard time actually applying it to myself.  Whether it be wearing a new dress or winged eyeliner, I just kinda feel left out.  Like I did in high school.  I wanted to be a part of the popular crowd, but I never had the clothes or attitude to fit in.  I didn't know how, and sure didn't have the confidence to try.

I have a hard time seeing myself as beautiful.  My mama says I am, but doesn't every mom think their daughter is beautiful?  It makes me a little better when my husband tells me that, since he chose me to be his wife and the mother of his child.  But I'm still insecure.  And I don't want to be.  I don't want Kylie to be either when she grows up.  I want to be a strong, confident, beautiful woman that she can look up to. 

I feel guilty if I spend any money on beauty products or new clothes.  Like that could have gone to a bill or into savings.  While I know spending $30 or $40 once a month on a new shirt or foundation won't break the bank, I have a hard time justifying it.  Like am I really worth this or am I just wasting my time?  I'm never going to look like those mom's who pick up their kids from the daycare in cute outfits every single day with hair, make up, and nails done.  Who am I kidding?

But I want to be.  So very badly.  I want to be the mom who is still pretty and whose foundation hasn't worn off by one in the afternoon and wears cute blouses instead of plain v neck t-shirts every single day.  Who straightens their hair.  Has nail polish that isn't chipped most of the way off.  I want to feel pretty and comfortable with myself.  I know that it can be done, but it just seems like such an unattainable goal.  So far away, out of my grasp.

I'm Still Here, Kinda

So working two jobs has been kicking my butt lately.  I've been picking up more hours at the restaurant (i.e. working six nights a week there) since three of the servers quit and we are seriously short handed.  Hopefully they hire some people soon because I'm getting worn out.  Here are some pictures of what Ky and I have been up to.  Don't have much energy for anything else right now.

1.  Daisy, Nova, Dakota 2.  Ky's Valentine's Day breakfast 3.  Drive home 4.  Pigtails, puffs, and hopeful dog 5. Mama's helper 6.  I die for her shoes.

Eighteen Months

Eighteen months.  One and a half years.  Kylie is firmly in the throes of toddler hood.  She has grown so much in these past six months. 

She talks/babbles constantly.  Words are hi, bye, mama, dada, dog, cat, deer, daisy, up, spongebob, car, bear, ball.  I'm sure there's one or two more, but I can't think of them at the moment.  She talks to her toys, the dogs, us, anything. 

Active, active active.  Ky loves that she is fully mobile now.  She will walk for days and run as well.  Her little arms windmill around when she runs, it's so stinking cute.  I call them her little chicken arms, as she keeps her upper arms close to her body.  She climbs on all the chairs and sometimes the table if given an opportunity. 

Still sleeping through the night, 12-13 hours at a time.  About a month ago she had a week of waking up screaming in the middle of the night, but she got through that and is doing great.  She is getting better at napping, and does best with a 1-2 hour nap a day in the afternoon. 

Loves food.  Of course.  Her favorites right now are bananas, mac and cheese, turkey hot dogs with ketchup, chicken nuggets, cutie oranges, salsa, rice, beans, wheat chex, goldfish, spaghetti, venison, and granola bars.  And this little girl loves her some milk.  Loves.  She chooses it over juice 99.9% of the time. 

Likes to play with puzzles, blocks, cars, baby dolls.  She will line up her stuffed animals on the steps leading up to our bedroom and then read them books.  Ky absolutely loves to read.  She would have us read her entire collection every night if we could.  Her favorites are any of her Cars books, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, and any of Karen Katz's flap books.  She has discovered coloring, and will carefully take out one crayon at a time to color with.  After she uses one she will set it to the side and then get another one.  When she has used every color she will then put all the crayons back in the box and start it all over again on a new piece of paper. 
She is size 4 diapers and 18 month clothes.  I'll have updated height and weight measurements for her as soon as she has her check up.  I'm bummed because I haven't been able to use our cloth diapers in Texas so far.  My inlaws' washer has no hot water and is also well water, so it has a ton of minerals in it.  Neither works very well for cloth.   Hopefully soon we will get into our own place and we will be able to use them again.

Home girl's hair is getting super long and is straight as a board.  Seriously.  Never even gets a wave in it, even with all of this humidity out here.  If it's in a pony tail all day, I'll take the band out and her hair will stay sticking out.  She gets her first haircut today because she needs some bangs badly.  
Ky gives the best hugs ever.  She wraps her little arms around my neck and squeezes as hard as she can.  My heart melts every single time she does that.  She also gives some pretty slobbery kisses too.

She likes skyping with her Grandad and Goomba (my parents).  She waves and gives them air high fives.  Says hi to my parent's dogs as well. 

Kylie is such her own little person now, I love watching her grow and learn and interact with others.  She always surprises me, that's for sure.

Kid. Book. Burger.

1. Pigtails 2. Bedtime book for the Bug 2. Southwest Burger at Buffalo Joe's