Baby Fever?



How did she go from this...

to this?

So it seems like everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby.  My sister-in-law.  My cousin-in-law.  Friends at work.  Friends on the Internet.  Even Rex is talking about starting to try for another baby.

I'll admit, I have weak moments, and I will want another little one.  But then reality always slams into me full force.  We are currently living in a travel trailer.  We don't know for sure if we are staying in Texas or moving back to California.  We are trying to pay bills off.  I would really like to go back to school.  We barely have enough time to give Kylie the attention that she deserves. 

I have also found that I love the age Kylie's at now.  She is wild and exploring and sweet.  She is her own little person now.  She will throw herself at me and give me a huge hug.  Babies can't do that.  Don't get me wrong, I loved her just as much when she was a baby, but it was so different.  I was scared out of my mind.  I had no clue what I was doing.  I had a million and one hormones wreaking havoc on my body and mind. 

At the daycare, I'll sometimes sub in the nursery (six weeks to one year old babies), and while I love caring for them, I don't have quite so much fun as I have with my class of one to two year olds.  I guess I love the stimulation of being with them, and the interaction I have with them. 

But then I start thinking, well of course I don't have a close connection with any of the babies in the nursery, first they're not mine, duh.  And second, I'm not just in charge of one, I have four.  Kind of hard to really enjoy the baby stuff when I'm on a constant cycle of feeding, diaper changing, and putting down for naps.  And I'd feel so different if it was my own baby.

So yeah, I still want to have another child in the not so distant future, but I think we are going to sit on the idea of it for awhile longer.  And as my hubby always likes to say, practicing for making a baby isn't all that bad.

Dear Kylie

You are growing up so much little Bug.  I was looking through your baby pictures today and I can't believe how much you have changed in the past nineteen months.  You are becoming so independent and funny and quirky, it just melts my heart.

You love animals.  Love love love.  You are constantly herding the chihuahuas around the trailer, putting them in their crates, feeding them dog food by hand, and trying to walk them on their leashes.  You love to point out cows and horses on our walks and always tell them bye bye when we leave.  At the zoo this weekend you loved petting the pot bellied pigs and were hoping so much that the pygmy goats would come out and play.

You love the outdoors, Ky.  You get so excited when we go for walks or even just playing in the field when we take the chihuahuas out.  You point at all the trees and birds, you play in the dirt, and you pick wildflowers for your dad and me.  I love that I can share this whole big world with you, and in return you show me it through your eyes, and I am falling in love with nature all over again.  It's wonderful to be outside with you, feeling the sun and the humid air on my skin, smelling the fresh cut grass and the wildflowers blooming around me, and looking down and seeing you by my side, babbling away as you find a new flower to pick or butterfly to point out.

You still love your books.  You will have me read every single one at bedtime every night if I let you.  Now each time after I read you a book you will go back through the book on your own, pointing to pictures and babbling about them, or having me tell you what it is again.  Your favorite book right now is Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?  When I'm doing chores, you will gather up your stuffed animals on the steps and then sit down and read them books.

I love you so much little girl.  I love that I get to be your mama.  To see your bedhead in the morning.  To put your hair in little pig tails.  To share a banana with you.  To see how excited you get over having chocolate milk.  Or when you wrap your little arms around me and squeeze me with all of your might. 

I love you bunches and bunches, Bug.

Mama