Tuesday, October 11, 2011


This past week and a half has been trying, to say the least.  I said goodbye to my parents and friends that I have known all my life and headed east to Texas to start a new chapter of my life.  It's definitely not a comedy, more like a tragedy.  Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.

I'm at my wits end.  I feel so overwhelmed, so helpless.  I feel like I can barely accomplish the most menial tasks, like washing the dishes or putting Kylie to bed.  I know my family is suffering because of this and it breaks my heart.  Ky hasn't taken a real nap since we got out here, we haven't been able to hook up the air conditioning at all (which comes in handy in eighty degree weather with lots of humidity), the trailer leaks (we found this out the other night when we woke up in the middle of a thunderstorm and Kylie was soaked in her pack and play), the dogs have upset stomachs and have been having accidents, the trailer isn't hooked up to anything except electricity so there's no water and no propane.  We have to go into my in-laws house to use the bathroom and cook.  Kylie can't even crawl around in the house though because they are remodeling and have everything ripped up.  My step father-in-law keeps coming up with these weird rules for us (like we can no longer use the washing machine (that's in the front yard!) and so now we have to go to laundry mat in town) and that we can't park our truck in the usual place because it messes up the satellite tv reception.  It's a pain because we are paying rent so it's not like we are leeching off of them or anything and we don't use any of their food either.  We are in the process of finding someplace to rent/buy, but it's slow going as of right now. 

I just don't know.  I don't feel like myself at all.  I'm starting to not even care about stuff now.  Stuff that I know I should, but I can't.  Detached.  Kylie just cries and screams and fusses all the time.  And I just feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out again.  I couldn't even get myself to go to my new store for work.  I was supposed to go in on Monday morning, but I just slept through my alarms.   And I couldn't get myself to go in on Tuesday either.  So on top of all of this we only have Rex's income.  And still I just can't feel anything.

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