Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Since it's a New Year and All

I've never been very good with new year's resolutions.  Frankly, all the ones I've done before petered out in a matter of days.  The whole eat healthy and workout more and all.  This year I have some wishes for myself.  More like trying to be a better person for my family and myself.  Things that will be hard to change but will stay with my for the rest of my life. Things that I'm really committed to.  They're definitely not easy, that's for sure.  And some of them are a little hard to type. 

Am I doing things because it is the best for Kylie or just makes it easier on me?  Often times I don't like the answer when I ask myself that.  I want to make sure that I am doing right by my little girl.

Be honest.  Especially with Rex.  I've been noticing that I have been telling more and more little lies.  Like "of course I mailed out that bill" when in reality I completely forgot about it.  Or "sure I'll help you with that" when I have no intention of doing so.  Yeah, right now they're small, but I've been noticing that I've been telling more and more.  I don't want to do that, to Rex, myself, or our marriage.  I want to stop now, before I start lying about anything bigger.  It scares me how easy it is for me, though.  I keep catching myself over and over.  I don't like what kind of wife I've become, not one bit. 

To blog without omission.  No, I don't want to blog every little detail of my life, but to tell the good and the bad.  Lots of time I find myself putting only the good, to paint a pretty little picture of my life, when in reality, it's craptastic.  And on the other hand, I won't be boo hooing all the time.  I seem to feel better when I type it out.  Makes me sit back and think about things and to reevaluate my life. 

Get to know God better.  I consider myself a Christian, but it's been years since I set foot in a church or cracked open the Bible.  I want to raise Kylie to know the Lord, but how can she if her own mother doesn't?

So I've given myself some pretty big shoes to fill.  I know I'll mess up on them, but I'm going to do my best.  To be a better wife, a better mother, and a better person.  Because I'm worth it.  I just need to remember that.


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