|My yard this morning echoing my mood.|
This has been a long week and it's only Tuesday. I'm in trouble, y'all. I hate being stressed about bills and groceries and trucks that need oil changes and household chores.
Rex handles this stress by doing stuff. Whether it be going for a run, target practice with his rifles, playing his xbox, or just vocalizing his unhappiness to the world, he does something about it. He relieves pressure that way, decompresses, I guess you would call it. He does it in a rather normal, healthy way.
Not me. I internalize everything. Taking some time to do things for myself just stresses me out more. I feel guilty if I do because I know I could be doing something more productive. There's always stuff that needs to be done. I get just as worried about bills that we can't pay and cars that we can't fix just as much as Rex does, but I keep it all bottled up inside. It's starting to show too. I'm getting horrible headaches on a daily basis. I'm losing my appetite. And when I do get really hungry, I'll generally eat so much so fast that I feel sick to my stomach. I'm getting sick a lot more than I usually do, and that says something because I already have a pretty weak immune system as it is.
It just sucks. I know I need to slow down sometimes and breathe, but it's just so damn hard sometimes. I've been trying to blog more, and that helps. Even if most of my posts are just places to dump all of my iphone photos. At least I'll be able to show Kylie that I did document her life to some extent.
I know I just need to stop and put it all in God's capable hands. To stand back for a second and take some time to pray and just have a heart to heart with Him. To trust Him.